For my Little Ghost...

( This is for one person, and one person only. They know who they are. Everyone else, you may read but please, do not comment on this journal. Thank you. )

Can you imagine growing up basically by yourself, and by by yourself I mean never really going anywhere or hardly doing much of anything, and having a very small circle of friends that, slowly, over time, leave you behind.... Until one day, you are left standing. Alone. The last man standing.... And you look around and wonder where everybody, who said they cared about you, went.

The world crashes down on you one day and then things are never the same ever again, you yourself are never the same ever again. And so now after being burned by a fire too hot to handle at that time, you have learned to trust no one, and, perhaps worst of all, believe in no one. Because if you don't believe and you don't trust then.... no one could hurt you anymore....

You live in the shadows, only ever briefly coming out into the light. Yes, there are good points along the way, but you stay hidden because if you are hidden, you are safe. You MAKE yourself learn to love the darkness to the point where the light hurts and you think that you are forever to be in the shadows. And then another blow hits you, this one worse than that first one, because this one could make you wish for death. Death is to truly never hurt or be hurt. And you think that this is the final blow because it is just that bad, it could ruin your whole life. Condemn you to a life you wouldn't wish upon any one.

But you manage to pick up the pieces of your re-shattered soul and move along, if only barely and if only at half the pace and zeal with which you were moving before. But suddenly there's a spark. Just barely there but it is there. You shy away from it because you've sworn off the light, never to touch it or look upon it ever again. But it keeps pace with you and steadily gains ground towards you until you must make a choice; Break your oath to yourself and touch the light or pass up this glorious shining light and slink back towards the shadows....

You make the leap with the last tiniest bit of hope you have inside your soul and the light catches you. It carries you through your darkest hours and has whispered in your ear to never again let you fall back into the shadows. That it will always be there with you, for you. All the past scars and wounds tell you not to listen, that the light lies, but deep down you believe the light when it speaks these wonderful words.

But some time later, you see things in the light..... things you never thought would be there. You thought it was impossible for the light to have some shadows of it's own within itself. But the light it's......... it's haunted. There's pain and hurt and wounds and scars and, worst of all, ghosts.

How can you fight the ghosts?

I do not know.

My dear Ghost, you need to tell me...... is there any way I can kill the shadows and heal the wounds? Can I fight the ghosts? Or will they consume us both?

Because, my dearest light and Ghost, yes. I have my own shadows and I have my own demons, but I am not so haunted by the ghosts of things past... I may fear those things in the past, but haunted by them? No, I am not. I have learned to kill my ghosts. And soon, I shall perhaps learn to kill my demons too, if my Little Ghost stays with me. But tell me, should I fear losing my Light to it's own ghosts? Or worse yet, drive it away with my own demons?

I do not mean to scream or shout or drag out those ghosts within you, my Light, but these are things I feel I must know.

Please know I want nothing but to see and hear you happy. The happiest I could ever see you. I hope that together we can kill the ghosts and demons that we each hold within ourselves. And then someday soon neither you nor I will be so filled with all the wrongs we've even seen or done and will have sewn up the wounds that others have caused. Perchance by then, we can both be at peace.

Together.

Forever.

I love you my Little Ghost. I truly do. Yes, the shadows have snuck in on me this night and that is why I've sat down and 'penned' these thoughts. But these are nothing more than my own demons creeping in on me while my Light is away from me.....

Never forget my Little Ghost, I truly love you.