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Fear. It walks behind me constantly. I see it's shadow around every corner. I feel it's cold breath on my neck. Fear about my life. Fear about my future. Fear for my family. Fear of my family. Fear for my friends. Fear of my friends. Fear for my children. Fear about myself. Fear for myself.
Fear. It's always there. It's become a chain that I neither keep on myself nor try to break free from. And even when I try to be brave and break free of it, somehow I always end up back at the start with that same old chain around my neck.
With fear, comes hate. You begin to hate yourself for being afraid. You begin to hate what you are afraid of. You begin to hate everything and rot from the inside out. And then, soon enough, you'll be nothing but a shell of the person you once were.
Is that what I've become? I'm not sure I can still see the real me anymore. Some days I'm not even sure if I'm still alive... Some days, I wish this would all stop. Just let me rest in peace.
Fear. It's always there. It's become a chain that I neither keep on myself nor try to break free from. And even when I try to be brave and break free of it, somehow I always end up back at the start with that same old chain around my neck.
With fear, comes hate. You begin to hate yourself for being afraid. You begin to hate what you are afraid of. You begin to hate everything and rot from the inside out. And then, soon enough, you'll be nothing but a shell of the person you once were.
Is that what I've become? I'm not sure I can still see the real me anymore. Some days I'm not even sure if I'm still alive... Some days, I wish this would all stop. Just let me rest in peace.
![[Open] Blue-winged Serpent - Tarks](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/9cd86839-038d-4b7f-a096-7593a7f61ad3/dgpda8t-24354c9f-2973-4121-a9b4-020b832d94cf.png/v1/fit/w_375,h_215,q_70,strp/_open__blue_winged_serpent___tarks_by_poorgrey_dgpda8t-375w.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzljZDg2ODM5LTAzOGQtNGI3Zi1hMDk2LTc1OTNhN2Y2MWFkM1wvZGdwZGE4dC0yNDM1NGM5Zi0yOTczLTQxMjEtYTliNC0wMjBiODMyZDk0Y2YucG5nIiwiaGVpZ2h0IjoiPD01ODYiLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTAyNCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS53YXRlcm1hcmsiXSwid21rIjp7InBhdGgiOiJcL3dtXC85Y2Q4NjgzOS0wMzhkLTRiN2YtYTA5Ni03NTkzYTdmNjFhZDNcL3Bvb3JncmV5LTQucG5nIiwib3BhY2l0eSI6OTUsInByb3BvcnRpb25zIjowLjQ1LCJncmF2aXR5IjoiY2VudGVyIn19.ffQBuTXGmXqgQ-Mx8poDPo57GAaLyDEfGDRPuadX7vw)
The Past
The past is hard to look at. Some of it fuzzy, blurry, chunks of it you can't even remember. But other moments from your past stand out clear as day. Some moments make you so happy when you think of them, others make you want to cry. But others, some other moments and memories tear at your soul and make you die a little bit each time you think of it.
I told someone very close to me, my Little Ghost, something that happened to me a long time ago and it hurts. More than I ever thought it would, I thought I was beyond it affecting me this much. But I see now that I'm not, not even remotely. And even though telling tore open all those old wounds
For my Little Ghost: Part II
I can not say how sorry I am for hurting you like I have. No words I could possibly find or think of could express how truly and deeply sorry I am. I have not only stabbed and broken your heart but mine also. I had to cut out my heart first before I could even think of saying what I've said to you. I know that you know why I've done what I've done but it makes no difference and it does not lessen either of our pain. I hate myself for what I've done and I honestly do not think I'll ever truly forgive myself for doing this.
There are words for what I've done. Some of them are:
Despicable.
Disgusting.
Appalling.
Contemptible.
Wicked.
Shamefu
For my Little Ghost...
( This is for one person, and one person only. They know who they are. Everyone else, you may read but please, do not comment on this journal. Thank you. :blowkiss: )
Can you imagine growing up basically by yourself, and by by yourself I mean never really going anywhere or hardly doing much of anything, and having a very small circle of friends that, slowly, over time, leave you behind.... Until one day, you are left standing. Alone. The last man standing.... And you look around and wonder where everybody, who said they cared about you, went.
The world crashes down on you one day and then things are never the same ever again, you yourself ar
Have you ever?
Have you cared about or loved someone so much that when you don't see them for (what seems to you to be) a long time that the thought of not seeing them for even longer actually hurts you? And you feel like you can't breathe because you want to be near them so much? That everything starts to remind you of that person? That you cry just because you don't want to be feel alone and you just want that someone there with you? Everything is wrong and messed up in your life but that one person is the thing that keeps you grounded? That somehow they've become the thing you rely on everyday to keep yourself sane and stable? That you can't go one day w
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This may sound dumb, but you might take a hand-to-hand or firearm self defense course, with the thought that being better equipped to deal with danger may make you less susceptible to fear.