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I hate my life. Don't bother to ask why, I just do. Ok? And you can't sit there and say that your life doesn't suck at some points in time because then you'd be lying.
It's 4:30 in the morning, It's pitch black outside and pouring down rain. I just did my shot for my MS, and now I'm sitting at my desk watching some mind-numbing movie with a Twisted Tea and a cup a Jell-o by my side.....and some crackers too.
And it hit me after I did my shot.......I hate my life. I hate it so badly....... Can a few more things be taken away from me and could my life suck a little more?
I don't know.
Sorry to take up your time, but I just needed to vent somewhere, somehow. So shut up and deal with it.
It's 4:30 in the morning, It's pitch black outside and pouring down rain. I just did my shot for my MS, and now I'm sitting at my desk watching some mind-numbing movie with a Twisted Tea and a cup a Jell-o by my side.....and some crackers too.
And it hit me after I did my shot.......I hate my life. I hate it so badly....... Can a few more things be taken away from me and could my life suck a little more?
I don't know.
Sorry to take up your time, but I just needed to vent somewhere, somehow. So shut up and deal with it.
The Past
The past is hard to look at. Some of it fuzzy, blurry, chunks of it you can't even remember. But other moments from your past stand out clear as day. Some moments make you so happy when you think of them, others make you want to cry. But others, some other moments and memories tear at your soul and make you die a little bit each time you think of it.
I told someone very close to me, my Little Ghost, something that happened to me a long time ago and it hurts. More than I ever thought it would, I thought I was beyond it affecting me this much. But I see now that I'm not, not even remotely. And even though telling tore open all those old wounds
For my Little Ghost: Part II
I can not say how sorry I am for hurting you like I have. No words I could possibly find or think of could express how truly and deeply sorry I am. I have not only stabbed and broken your heart but mine also. I had to cut out my heart first before I could even think of saying what I've said to you. I know that you know why I've done what I've done but it makes no difference and it does not lessen either of our pain. I hate myself for what I've done and I honestly do not think I'll ever truly forgive myself for doing this.
There are words for what I've done. Some of them are:
Despicable.
Disgusting.
Appalling.
Contemptible.
Wicked.
Shamefu
For my Little Ghost...
( This is for one person, and one person only. They know who they are. Everyone else, you may read but please, do not comment on this journal. Thank you. :blowkiss: )
Can you imagine growing up basically by yourself, and by by yourself I mean never really going anywhere or hardly doing much of anything, and having a very small circle of friends that, slowly, over time, leave you behind.... Until one day, you are left standing. Alone. The last man standing.... And you look around and wonder where everybody, who said they cared about you, went.
The world crashes down on you one day and then things are never the same ever again, you yourself ar
Fear
Fear. It walks behind me constantly. I see it's shadow around every corner. I feel it's cold breath on my neck. Fear about my life. Fear about my future. Fear for my family. Fear of my family. Fear for my friends. Fear of my friends. Fear for my children. Fear about myself. Fear for myself.
Fear. It's always there. It's become a chain that I neither keep on myself nor try to break free from. And even when I try to be brave and break free of it, somehow I always end up back at the start with that same old chain around my neck.
With fear, comes hate. You begin to hate yourself for being afraid. You begin to hate what you are afraid of. You be
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can i just say that, while i don't have MS, i have what i like to call "MS through the looking-glass". I have something called Syringohydromyelia (SM, ironically), and it's symptoms are almost indistinguishable from MS (well, that can vary from case to case. in my case they are).
My heart goes out to you hun. If there is any justice in the universe, we won't have to ever come back to this sh*thole in this condition ever again.
My heart goes out to you hun. If there is any justice in the universe, we won't have to ever come back to this sh*thole in this condition ever again.